we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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