next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
