We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
