Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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