Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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