i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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