I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
