I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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