id be glad to
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
