Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
