I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
