I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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