I met the friendliest cop last night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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