why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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