talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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