I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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