I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have post one night stand depression
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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