I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
