I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
