Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
