Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
