24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
