My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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