I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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