I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
