get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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