you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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