Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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