SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
