I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize