i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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