Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
