she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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