just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
