Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
