That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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