the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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