I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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