Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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