did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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