so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
