I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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