mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
