i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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