Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
