We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to make out with him forever
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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