Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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