Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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