VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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