i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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