Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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