I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
