Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
