Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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