Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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