Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
