I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
a search helicopter?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
