this beer tastes like vomit already
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
