Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
