I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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