Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
