bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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