i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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