just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
