thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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