SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
