Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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