We won't sleep together?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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