I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
