I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
