69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
