would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
