I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
