I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
