I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
