Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
