wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize