I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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