i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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