oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
