Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Randomize
